The day I decided not to eat Pizza anymore

No matter how long I live here, there are just some things I'll never understand. Have you ever tried to eat out in a Pizzeria with Brazilians ? There are so many steps to follow (not to mention the existent flavours) ! Unbelievable. 


First, you got to call 7 friends. It seems like you only go for Pizza with at least 8 people. Usually it's weekend and you keep on calling people for at least 1 h. Let's say you start at 8 pm, 'cause dinner here is pretty late. You call friend A and B, who invite friend C and talk to friend D, who calls you back to set where and when you'll meet. Friend F (you don't know who invited F) calls you, saying he'll arrive a little later (which means almost midnight). Alright. You, A,B,C and D bring your girlfriends/boyfriends and meet at place X around 9:30.(Deciding the place was another loooong discussion). F will be there later and asked for you to keep some Pizza for him. 


When you and your friends arrive at the Pizzeria, you need to find a table that suits you all. B's girlfriend is a bitch and doesn't want to sit next to the kitchen. D is allergic to smoke and doesn't want to sit next to the smoking area. C believes air conditionings are evil and prefers to sit far away from them.You are getting hungrier and hungrier and start thinking of McDonald's. 


The waiter politely moves chairs, tables and asks other customers to sit somewhere else, so you  and the bunch of people with you stop annoying everyone. Great! You're sitting and ask for a can of Guaraná, 'cause you're already exhausted. STOP! Stop? But I just ordered my drink...No, come on, let's ask for 2L bottles, it's much cheaper. Ah, alright. They decide to ask for Coke. You hate Coke. It's so sweet it sticks on your teeth for two weeks. But you do not want to offend your Brazilian friends...so you shut up and drink it. 


The menue! Finally you see food, at least pictures of yummy food! Chicken heart Pizza? Strogonoff Pizza? What the hell is that? Ice Cream Pizza. Strawberry, Coconut Pizza...you try to find a HAM Pizza. That sounds great- ham and mushrooms. You're from Germany, so pork is always your first choice. You weren't expecting the following: Everyone is discussing the flavours to order them altogether. It means: you, A and his girlfriend, B and his bitchy girlfriend, C and her friend and D with his girlfriend have to decide ALTOGETHER the flavours. They count one Pizza for 3 people and on each pizza you got 4 flavours, which means you'll spend the next 30 minutes discussing loudly but politely with your friends. And you can't stop looking at that ham and mushroom pizza picture you hold in your hands. You try to include your desire of ham and mushrooms, and the reactions are like: Ham? How boring! Nobody here likes mushrooms. Let's ask for Chicken with mini French fries and Catupiri (weird Brazilian cheese). Yay! Let's ask for Beef Pizza with Eggplant, Calabresa (greasy sausage slices), Chicken heart and the Portuguese Pizza. (Portuguese Pizza is greasy sausage slices, EGG, pepper, lots of onions, and whatever else can be found in the kitchen).  


Alright. You give up. You smile and wait. They order. You drink coke. Loud chatting everywhere. Cross chatting (actually shouting).Your friend sitting next to you is saying something, but you can't hear him. So you smile and nod. You remember there was one flavour they ordered you could actually like: something with barbecue pork slices and onions. After 40 minutes the waiters bring the Pizzas. You desperately try to recognise the Pork one. It's there! You can see the waiter carrying it to the friend who is sitting the furthest from you. In front of you: Chicken heart and something else you do not recognise. Smile. Breathe. Wait. Loud chatting, people cutting Pizzas and serving each other. You ask for help, could anyone serve you a piece of that Pizza there? After the third time it works: you got your piece. It's already cold the coke in front of you is warm. Everyone is happy but you. What's wrong with you? You're hungry, thirsty, tired and the bill will be 50 bucks. That's when you decide you hate Pizza. 
By the way: Friend F never showed up and you ended up getting the rest of the Pizza you hate to take home.